Nice weekend off. Lots of folks went shopping, some went to Asheville, some stayed here and chilled, others were getting tattoos...You know there had to be a reason for me not adding to the blog testerday. Well...here it is: Dollywood. Yes, I was talked into going to (shudder!) Dollywood. Let me tell you, I would rather have...well...you understand. Tackiest place I have seen since Pigeon Forge. And the crowds! Ohmagawd. Wall to wall people. Entire families with bright red matching "Comedy Barn" sweatshirts. I swear. Hordes of religious groups with matching T's. WASP heaven.
Now, the bright note of the trip was when I was talked into going on the Tennessee Tornado. For those of you who are uninitiated, the Tennessee Tornado is rated in the top ten roller coasters in the "scream" quotient. No kidding. Upside down, twists and turns, loops, spirals, etc., all going at about Mach 7. I protested at the mention of it, because I have a real problem with moton sickness. I even have problems watching the intro's at the movies. But Mickie's sister, Judy, insisted that I go, or that she would tell everyone that " I didn't have a hair on my ass." Even Roy was going, bad back and all. Mickie, (remember my loving and considerate wife, Mickie?), said, "Oh, c'mon, c'mon, ya big sissy," So, against my better judgement, and to protect the reputations of men everywhere, I went. So we waited in line, got into the cars, strapped on the shoulder harnesses, and rolled up the hill. (to the tune of , "It's too late baby, now, it's too late..")
Oh baby is right.
Well, I tell ya, it was interesting. I kept my eyes closed for most of it, just to keep my inner ear from changing places with my outer ear. Slammed all over the place. But to be honest, I kept my wits (and my cookies) about me. I would have liked to have been able to tell you about the auditory portion of it, but it was mostly screaming, coming from Mickie and Judy. I mean, SCREAMING! The kind that you get when a boxload of scorpions fall on your face. Now, I know the whole ride took less than a minute, but the effects lasted much, much longer. And I am not talking about effects on me or Roy, who did OK himself, but on - you guessed it - the girls.
When we exited the cars, Mickie simply sat there. She literally couldn't get her legs to move. I had to push her out of the cab so they could load the next group. There is a long flight of stairs that you take to exit the facility, but Mickie couldn't walk - had to sit down and scoot her way, step by step, down to the ground. Took about 30 minutes for her to regain her composure. And Judy sure couldn't say much. She was developing the most lovely color of green. We'd take a few steps, then sit down, then take a few steps, then...OK, how 'bout some water? Better yet, where's the closest bathroom.? Poor Judy. Any hair that she thought she had on her backside is now safely residing in the women's facilities at Dollywood. And all of her breakfast, lunch, and anything else she was even THINKING of eating the rest of the day. Poor kid. I had to scramble to find her some overpriced Dramamine, which she promptly consumed. She told us she'd be alright, if we could only keep everyone from moving.
Basically, that was it. There was no way we could stay. We took our time getting back to our cars, and called it a night.
PIty. I was really starting to enjoy myself.
Yeah, right.
Anyway, you can see what I'm talking about...
Roy looks kinda catatonic, grinding his teeth to nubs, holding his heart; Judy ia trying to bury her face in her chest, knuckles completely white; and Mickie - I've never seen her face so flat! Or her mouth so big! Must be the "g's". Of course, that's me in the corner, cool and calm as ever. Like, big deal - just like riding with my wife! This is nothing! In fact, if she had been driving, this ride would have been over by now!
Now, the bright note of the trip was when I was talked into going on the Tennessee Tornado. For those of you who are uninitiated, the Tennessee Tornado is rated in the top ten roller coasters in the "scream" quotient. No kidding. Upside down, twists and turns, loops, spirals, etc., all going at about Mach 7. I protested at the mention of it, because I have a real problem with moton sickness. I even have problems watching the intro's at the movies. But Mickie's sister, Judy, insisted that I go, or that she would tell everyone that " I didn't have a hair on my ass." Even Roy was going, bad back and all. Mickie, (remember my loving and considerate wife, Mickie?), said, "Oh, c'mon, c'mon, ya big sissy," So, against my better judgement, and to protect the reputations of men everywhere, I went. So we waited in line, got into the cars, strapped on the shoulder harnesses, and rolled up the hill. (to the tune of , "It's too late baby, now, it's too late..")
Oh baby is right.
Well, I tell ya, it was interesting. I kept my eyes closed for most of it, just to keep my inner ear from changing places with my outer ear. Slammed all over the place. But to be honest, I kept my wits (and my cookies) about me. I would have liked to have been able to tell you about the auditory portion of it, but it was mostly screaming, coming from Mickie and Judy. I mean, SCREAMING! The kind that you get when a boxload of scorpions fall on your face. Now, I know the whole ride took less than a minute, but the effects lasted much, much longer. And I am not talking about effects on me or Roy, who did OK himself, but on - you guessed it - the girls.
When we exited the cars, Mickie simply sat there. She literally couldn't get her legs to move. I had to push her out of the cab so they could load the next group. There is a long flight of stairs that you take to exit the facility, but Mickie couldn't walk - had to sit down and scoot her way, step by step, down to the ground. Took about 30 minutes for her to regain her composure. And Judy sure couldn't say much. She was developing the most lovely color of green. We'd take a few steps, then sit down, then take a few steps, then...OK, how 'bout some water? Better yet, where's the closest bathroom.? Poor Judy. Any hair that she thought she had on her backside is now safely residing in the women's facilities at Dollywood. And all of her breakfast, lunch, and anything else she was even THINKING of eating the rest of the day. Poor kid. I had to scramble to find her some overpriced Dramamine, which she promptly consumed. She told us she'd be alright, if we could only keep everyone from moving.
Basically, that was it. There was no way we could stay. We took our time getting back to our cars, and called it a night.
PIty. I was really starting to enjoy myself.
Yeah, right.
Anyway, you can see what I'm talking about...
Roy looks kinda catatonic, grinding his teeth to nubs, holding his heart; Judy ia trying to bury her face in her chest, knuckles completely white; and Mickie - I've never seen her face so flat! Or her mouth so big! Must be the "g's". Of course, that's me in the corner, cool and calm as ever. Like, big deal - just like riding with my wife! This is nothing! In fact, if she had been driving, this ride would have been over by now!
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